ThePrayerForPatience

Surprise! I felt like writing another post instead of waiting another year and half for the next one. One big thing has been rapidly developing. So rapidly, in fact, that I felt like I should type my feelings out right now instead of waiting till later. What is the big thing? Well, in my last post, I eluded to it ever so slightly. I wasn't sure what it was going to develop into at the time, but now? Now, I am very confident.

Looks like I am getting married this year.

Now, I have talked to my loved ones about this over the last couple of months. It sounds like things are going way too fast. I started dating her in the middle of September and now I am planning on marrying her only after four months of dating. How on earth can I be so confident about it? To be honest, the only answer I can come up with is that in my prayer and mediation about it I feel at peace. That's it. And when I think about it, that is all I really need. Peace in my spirit.

She is an amazing person. She loves Jesus, has a loving family, kind, empathetic, practical, and, of course, beautiful. But I am not floating in the clouds. She isn't perfect, and neither am I. We have a lot of room to grow in our love for Jesus and each other. It is really hard to describe in words how I feel about the whole situation. When I say, "We have been dating for four months." It sounds like such a short amount of time, but when I ask myself what we have done in the last four months? We have had countless conversations with each other about so many different things. I know so much about her. Enough to love her and want to be with her. But do I?

On an emotional and spiritual level, it just feels right. My spirit is so at peace when I think about spending the rest of my life with her. I truly believe that if God did not want us to be together my spirit wouldn't nearly be so peaceful about it. Over the last few months I have spent a lot more time in prayer and the Word. It has been wonderful. If anything, this relationship is showing me how much I need Jesus. How I need to rely on Him daily for wisdom and guidance. I have never dated anyone before. All of these experiences are new, but they aren't scary or stressful. I can only give the praise and credit to Him for that.

There are two sides in my heart fighting each other, right now. One of them is saying, "Why wait? Get married as soon as possible!" The other is saying, "This just doesn't feel right. Things are going too smoothly." I am both giving them their time to argue their case, but I don't know which one is right. Am I being too hasty? Too analytical? Too pessimistic? I don't know. My loved ones encourage me to take my time, but for what? To get to know her more? I don't think there is anything I could find out about her that I don't know yet that would change the outcome.

I am extremely confident I am going to marry her. I just don't know when I should marry her. Is there even a right answer to this question?

So I am doing the only thing I know I should do: Pray. I am doing a lot of praying. As time goes on, I am genuinely finding it hard to argue against just proposing to her now and getting married as soon as possible. But I have always heard of people rushing into marriage and regretting it. But a lot of those people aren't believers, so should I even care about their experiences? What would I regret or miss or be sad about if we got married today? Right now? I just don't see it. Or maybe I don't want to see it. I feel like doubting myself for the foreseeable future doesn't sound healthy.

What do you think, Dear Readers? Should I pop the question soon? Or wait? Besides, you aren't even married when you do propose. It would take at least three months or more to actually tie the knot.

Pray for me. I need all of it. God is guiding us. I just want to make sure I am not pushing that guidance off the tracks.

I wonder how I will look back on this post. Hopefully, it is just a good laugh.

EvenASproutTriesItsBestToTouchGod

I write this for posterity. This feeling I have right now is simple. I just feel grateful to God for all of His blessings. A lot of things have happened since my last post. Happiness, sadness, pain, frustrations, anxiety, stress, relief, and the list goes on. However, even though my life is a rollercoaster of emotion (just emotion, my life is pretty boring compared to anyone's), God is still there. He is always present. Just waiting for me to notice Him. I do notice Him from time to time like how you would notice a penny on the ground. But this is more of like a reminder than gaining one cent more to your name. It is more like you just realized that the goal you were chasing wasn't Him and you want to knock yourself on the side of the head.

I started a new job.

Everyone I have told has given me words of encouragement and praise. I know it is all thanks to God, but you can't help but think that you really did have some part in all of it. I suppose I did in the sense that I ultimately had to say yes to His calling, but I truly wonder if this is His calling? Does God want me to have a cushy job? Or does He want me to serve His Kingdom? The answer is pretty obvious.

So it sorta makes me wonder if everything I have been doing up to this point has a point. Does this ultimately serve God's kingdom? I honestly don't know. I suppose through His infinite wisdom He can do whatever He wants with what I can offer Him. He can turn my job into an instrument. I suppose I will have to let Him do just that.

I am taking it day by day.

Some things have been happening recently. I am a very pragmatic person. I never want to count my chickens before they hatch. I never want to say what it will be when I don't know what it is. Things are slowly coming together. Only time can really tell what will happen in the coming months, but things are definitely happening. God has been so good to me this year.

I started going to a new church. It is a lovely community. They love Jesus and each other so much that it makes the 40 minute drive there on Sunday worth it every time. I could find a church much closer, but something tells me this is where God wants me to be. I also started attending their small group every Thursday. Well, I say every Thursday, but I have only been going sporadically since it started. My life is actually busy now.

This whole time my life has been bent towards free time. Minimize work, minimize socializing, and minimizing things I have to do. All for the sake of adding as much "free time" to my life as possible. I would revel in those long hours and days with nothing to do. Why did I love those times so much? Because they were simple? Probably because they were easy. No challenges, no chances to make mistakes.

I barely have any time to play video games anymore. I would play for dozens of hours every week. I would look forward to the weekends where I wouldn't leave my room. Now I can't wait to jump out of my room and do something new. I guess you could say I am growing up...

Is it already time to be a grown up? I am 26 years old. Time isn't slowing down. It only seems to go faster. How will I look back on my time spent in my early 20s. Will I be sad? Regretful? Happy?

Joyful 2022, my Dear Readers. I may have left for a while, but I am always here. Living my life. Praying. Working through things one day at a time. I suppose that is not a bad way to go about things.