TheWorthAndTension

I thought the nosnaH Way was boring and lazy. Maybe it was like that for the last 3 years of my life, but ever since I started college....What a pain!

But what a blessing! I have been having one exciting day after another. I wake up without knowing what is going to happen. Something good? Bad? A little of both? It is all there waiting for my proverbial knife to cut through. Some days I just wonder if it will even end. But it, sadly, will. The passage of time really does make me sigh, really loudly. Like, "SHUT UP!" Loudly....

I started going to a college ministry. It is okay. Though Christians are not immune to grouping. It got me thinking about my group. Are we exclusive and snotty? I am joking. Of course we are. I am not particularly found of grouping. You need to stretch out your wings and fly over to the new guy (that would be me!) and let him get comfy with the peeps. But noooooo, you just have to stay in that little corner that you have grown too familiar with. I am going to make a personal note: don't be a jerk. 

I kid. Everyone at the group is nice. I just need to squeeze a little to fit in. Nothing like a few loud screams to get that accomplished.

College has kept me on my toes. I have written a lot of papers already, so excuse my lack of enthusiasm in these recent posts. I just don't find writing for no reason fun anymore. AHA! No reason, yeah right. This blog is the pinnacle of my achievements! You might think I am joking, but I am super chubby happy about the banners I make up for this place. Please love them too.

Life is expanding and I am trying to find my way. Is this growing up? Probably. It isn't so bad, however, I wish things slowed down for a week or two, but that isn't happening till the end of the year. Changes are happening my Dear Readers. Before I know it I'll be someone else, wont I? 

Self-confidence is actually becoming a factor for me. Shocking, isn't it?! I bet you couldn't imagine me with those issues. But exposing myself to others really makes me conscience of myself. Am I good looking? AHAHAHA. Am I smart? Sure, buddy. Easy to talk to? I think I am (complete bias). Nothing will measure up. That is how it always goes. I wonder why? Why can't my standards be low so I can overachieve? Can I just blame it on the media like my psychology class does? Not a good idea. I know I can do better! That is the reason why I complain in my head about myself. I know I can shave some pounds off, study harder, and just be a brighter person. It's in me somewhere. But I just don't care enough. 

Yeah yeah, God loves me either way, but that doesn't make me feel better (it should!). Okay. Month challenge for everyone. Be content with what you have done. Don't chase, STOP RUNNING FOR THINGS. Stop. Just be happy with who you are! It is during those times I can focus on God more. No more goals, no more things to do, no more hatred directed towards me. Just silence and a contented peace I wish I always had. Who cares about those things? I do. But I shouldn't. Pity party? Yeah, you could call it that. 

I am fat, lazy, sinful, and eager to do nothing (isn't that just laziness?). Cons to most. Actually those are cons to everyone. But here I am with them. I can actually change most of those to pros. Maybe the reason why I don't is because I don't need to? I use to hang around people who look amazing. Man! I want to be like them so much! I was never taunted by them. They were my friends! They accepted me for who I am. I am grateful for that. I wonder how it is for them. AHA! They like hanging around me because I make them look good! My life has been solved! Now I know why people like to be around me. It bolsters their looks! 

Do you understand the stupidity that goes through my head now? 

HTW if you could see me now.....you would realize I am the same ol' boring Missingnomer. Don't worry, I will be....unless I make some friends that I get close to. Meeting people....

Sometimes I can just walk up to someone and stick em the hand. Other times.....not so great. 

Especially that girl that sits in front of me in math class....