TheOnlyMouseInTheBox

Kuroki Tomoko looks normal in this picture
(she is actually crazy)

I recently finished watching an anime about a girl being a loner. Although she went to school and had a regular family she was still lonely. A socially awkward numb-skull that took the cake of absurdity and stupidity. When I watched the first few episodes I couldn't hold back my laughter. Even though the anime made her character ridiculous and novel I still felt a connection with her. She was shy, lonely, and bitter (in a comedic way) towards people she didn't know. And she only knew four people in the show. Her father, mother, brother, and one friend. It reminded me of myself so much that in certain scenes of her being alone and mournful I looked upon her with sorrow (yes, I looked upon a screen of pixels with feeling). I too, have experienced those days of complete solitude and wishful thinking. Sympathizing with this animated girl named Kuroki, I couldn't help but love the show. This anime was so unique to others of its archetype. I wont spoil the ending for you because I know you are just dying to watch it now! Yeah right. The show doesn't take the happy route and solve her 'problems' by some cool kid becoming her friend or by getting help from some try-hard teacher that loves his students way too much. This was a story about a girl who was socially awkward and shy. Some people are never 'cured' from the 'illness of solitude.' Some people live with it for their whole lives.

Solituders for life!.... Anyways....

The month is finally coming to a close. October, we are running into your blissful embrace that surrounds us with the falling of the leaves and the billion shades of orange and yellow...... Oh wait, I forgot.

I LIVE IN HAWAII!

So much for that romantic take on the season of Autumn. It is just going to be the same old green, brown, and blue. Another year shall pass without knowing the joys of frolicking in the ocean of amber and crimson that I long for.

"Where art thou? Why doust thou not change colors when thy year comes to its bitter-delicious conclusion? Why doust thy coconuts leave so much to be desired?!?!? GET ME OFF OF THIS ROCK!!!!"

                            ~Antony Bronelius in "The Repeating Season Referred to as Summer" in D-flat major

You know what? I'll just say it! Even though most of my Dear Readers could care less about it. I am eagerly anticipating the launch of the next generation of video gaming consoles. In particular the Playstation 4(PS4). It has been almost 8 years since the launch of the Playstation 3(PS3) and every gamer around the world shouted out in joy on February 20, 2013 when they finally announced the next generation of gaming. This will be the first console release that I will be actively participating in. I am very excited. I can't wait for November. Unless something big happens between now and the appointed time. Ah well, whatever happens happens. That is my heart Dear Readers, you may now resume your prayers for my wretched soul.

Closing Thought ~

If you haven't listened to it yet Dear Readers I implore you to listen to the music that I have posted this week (and the weeks to come!). It is the main theme for the masterful movie: Howl's Moving Castle. I just found this track recently and took the time to listen to it. Let's just say I love it with every fiber in my being.

IsThisTheBeginning?

It's done.

The apartment is on the market. Supposedly someone is coming to see the house tomorrow. Which is somewhat discomforting. Or humble abode has transformed into a picturesque rental apartment in paradise. It's actually kind of fun. It's like living in a entirely different place. My parents cleaned house. We hardly have any junk lying around. I don't really believe it yet. I'll only believe it when my parents get the money and buy the plane tickets. Until then...

School and leisure. Ahhh, the two things every teenager in America goes through. Unless you have a part time job, in that case, kudos. This is the last week of September. According to my calendar this is my last 'boring' month. October, November, and December are going to be filled with excitement. Maybe even a new home! *GASP*

The idea of going to an entirely new place doesn't scare me at all. Don't people usually dislike the whole idea of moving to a new place? I tend to even forget the fact that we could move anytime in the next couple of months. Even though I have lived here for my whole life, I don't feel any remorse when I think of moving. Sure, I have friends and memories. But I don't really feel any sort of sadness or stress. I am just too easy going I suppose. Selling my things and trimming my stockpile doesn't bother me at all. As I always thought, my parent's practicality has rubbed off on me, in a good way, of course.

All we can do is wait. Wait for the right person to buy this old apartment with so many memories. I spent 9 years of my life in this apartment. I am only 17, so I have spent most of my life in this little place. I might miss it when we finally leave.

TheFragileMindOfAHuman

My mind tends to think. I don't know what else minds are for except for thinking. So what do I think about? Well, a lot of things. Good things, bad things, things that need answers, stories from my imagination, and some random thoughts about food. But what about prayer? Do I pray with my mind? Or with my heart? Or maybe neither of those. Maybe I just use my Spirit. I tend to forget prayer very often. Thankfully, every meal tends to jog my memory about prayer before I gorge myself. But even then I just quickly mumble [to God] and then jump into my meal, not really giving it much thought. I am a slacker. Plain and simple. Praying would probably be on my top 5 easiest things to do, right next to eating, sleeping, and daydreaming. But why is it that I only do it for.... Hmmm, maybe 1 minute a day, in total (including mealtimes and IF I remember to pray before I knock out)?

Anyways, just another problem to think about.

The last week I did some web surfing and I found myself looking up articles and books about atheism and Christianity. I am just weird that way. I don't really know why, maybe because I am human, but once in a blue moon I feel like finding other people who either fully accept the Gospel and people who completely and utterly reject it. I just find it so odd that people think so differently from each other. I read one comment that resounds with praise and adoration to God, but the next comment on the same article screams out in hatred towards God and all of His 'weak, idiotic followers.' 

The whole reason behind me sifting through the internet to find articles about atheism and Christianity is probably because I am trying to seek conformation through other people about my own faith. It is just disturbing to see people disagree about things that are so important. Who is right? Am I right? There is no real way to prove my faith. That's why we call it faith. We have faith because it DOESN'T make sense. I mean, if the choice was obvious then most people would be Christians. Well, the Bible says otherwise. Jesus said that even if He did miracles and signs that are obviously divine people would still reject Him. Which makes me even more distressed.

I am seeking conformation of my faith by looking at other people. I shouldn't. I should only be looking towards God. God will give me plenty of reasons and 'proof' that He is real, in time, through my life, when I grow, He will show me, and only to me. And it makes me kind of excited.

It is extremely hard to accept the fact that there are people out there who openly reject God. Even if they saw miracles and people's lives change right before their eyes, they would still reject Him. Why? Why does God allow people to outright reject Him so blatantly? I don't think I know, Dear Reader. Not to be mean or anything, but you probably don't know why either. 

LearningAndGrowing

Sad little me. Or should I say joyous me? I have been down for the last few weeks, Dear Readers. For unknown reasons I just decided to be that depressed kid in the corner. Why is that? I'll probably never know. But after some thinking and brooding I have finally decided to move on. Though nothing has really changed, I think I have been sulking for long enough. Why choose glum over joy? No point in being sad when you aren't....mad?

Okay, I'll just delete my blog after this post...

I finally got around to reading the first couple of chapters of John. Good? Yes. But I need to start dwelling on the Lord more than dwelling on things of this world. It's just so hard to do. I keep finding myself in the same hole I just crawled out of, you know? My vices are just so easy to get tangled up in. Day after day I find myself concerned over things that don't matter; things that'll fade away into nothingness. Human's just love to waste their time on wasting time. I am a living, breathing chunk of proof to that statement. 

Being a Christian means that I am free from the shackles of sin. I have found the Light of the world. But does that mean the darkness is gone? Well, yes AND no. I now have a lamp unto my feet, but the darkness is very much around me... Because I am still a fallen human in a fallen world. I tend to lean towards death when I am not resting in the Lord (which accounts for 98% of my day). So there you have it. When I grow up and people want to hear my testimony I'll just say it right to their faces,

"I don't have one."

Being a child born into Christianity I never had that crazy transformation. Maybe I am still waiting for it... But people who became Christians as adults knew the very moment they turned to God. I honestly don't know when my death-filled life ended and when my Christian life began. I. Don't. Know. Was it 8? 10? Or maybe when I started homeschooling when I was 12? I am at a lost if you ask me that question. Even if I could recall the day I started my Christian walk nothing would have changed. I would have just done my same old routine whether I became a Christian or not. I never did anything physically sinful (or should I say, with consequence). I was scotch (tape) free. So I didn't have to turn away from my drug addiction or greed; I didn't have any of those problems. I may have the lamest testimony in the history of testimonies. 

Why did I become a Christian? Well, at first I wanted to be a Christian because my parents and Elder Sage Siblings were and I wanted to hop on the band wagon too. Of course, now that I have grown up as a Christian, who has fully accepted Jesus as my personal Savior, I now realize the overwhelming importance of it all. Maybe growing up in a Christian family is entirely different from becoming a Christian (Yes, I know, you still have to make a personal covenant whether you grew up in a Christian family or not). People transform from night to day when they repent from their evil habits. For me? I just turned from a "care-free tween" to a "beat myself up whenever I think bad thoughts teenager." 

Starting on a new topic, I had a discussion with the WOMO and she veered me back on the right course. School is important! I know it is, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Being homeschooled, secluded, and barely doing any school work isn't exactly a recipe for a successful and fulfilling school year. I just told her that school is flat out BORING (and short). But she said WAIT. Right now I am waiting for my time to head off to college with an actual campus with people that actually populate that campus! I get excited just thinking about it, and I am so grateful that I am looking forward to it. As a homeschooling teen all I can do is wait.... Waiting is so fun and enjoyable, why, I could just kill a puppy. 

Goodbye depressing loser, hello joyous loser! 

I maybe a loser, but I am with the Winner. Isn't that all that matters?

"Amen! Hallelujah!! HELP EM LOOORRRDDDDD!!!"

                                                               ~Elder Helga "The Boar Stomper"