DisconnectingMyOwnSelf

The feeling of discomfort and anxiety. Ring a bell? If you call yourself a human than I would suspect you have come across these two very common emotions. Who doesn't feel discomfort and anxiety at times? I have been encountering it frequently. What do I brood over? WORK of course! What better way to spend days full of free time then to dwell on things I could/should be doing? I asked my Dear Friend if, 50 years in the future, I would be looking back on this time with yearning for that freedom I once had or regretting it all as wasted time. Probably the former. Why mop and skulk around when I should be enjoying my youth? I don't know. I figure this is some sort of depression, or even worse, self-pity. Since the coming year will be filled with... Nothing, I suppose I should take it upon my self to fill it with SOMETHING. What is that something? Most likely work.

Work! I dread it so very much. Once I start on this arduous journey known as work I shall find myself on it for the rest of my life. Chained to it, if you will. I will recollect the days that I am in right now. The blissful days of laziness. The ironic thing is that I can't seem to enjoy it because my mind keeps wandering back to the thought of WASTING time. Wasting. Why on earth should a 17 (soon to be 18) year old be worried about wasting time? The world is my proverbial oyster. However, I am still stuck in this swaying pendulum of joyful glee and chronic sorrow. Work is imminent. It is something that is almost impossible to avoid. I will start working sooner or later. Why does my head continue to throb with anxiety and stress?

It might just be the lack of sleep. I seem to have fallen into yet another bout of sleep depravity. I tend to enjoy torturing myself when it comes to insomnia..... Voluntary Insomnia. I literally force myself to stay awake! Why? Because sleeping is 'boring.' We waste half of our lives sleeping. I guess I intend to tip the ratio to a sturdy 4:6 by staying up the extra 5 hours into the early hours of the morning only to find myself regaining consciousness at 1 in the afternoon. This invention is ludicrous. I might as well drive stakes through my arms. Last night I decided to forgo the notion of sleep and spend time with my Dear Friends. I admit it, I still believe it was worth it. But I should stop this. My body is so weak. To nap or not to nap? That is all my body cares about.

Forcing oneself to sleep at a certain hour seems to be a chore. How does one even do it? I tend to just lie there until I drift away into an unconscious state. 6-7 hours of rest. Apparently I should be getting a solid 8. But I do nothing all day!

"Get a job! Study! Do SOMETHING!"

My mind is like a terrible game of tug-of-war between two people that both have no desire to win.

No wonder I have this sudden urge to read the Bible. I think solace can only be found in God right now. Leave me be as I tend to my self-inflicted wounds of chaos.

Prayers are always welcomed.

ReturnsTwinkiesAnd...Animals?

This weekend should prove to be exciting. Not only are the Elder Sage Siblings returning for a short while, but we will apparently meet my half-brother since 11 years or so. A substantial amount of time has transpired since we last met. So it should be a great weekend.... It should be.

Besides the torrent of people flooding into the family this weekend, I have been dutifully doing nothing! School is forgotten.... Still. I just have no motivation to finish the one class that I have left before my graduation... If you can even call it a graduation. I wont even be starting college till next year! So I might as well hold off until 2015. I don't mind. Who would mind a year long vacation? Ohhh, right. I should probably find a job....

The art of making friends has been swimming around in my head for the last couple of weeks. How does one make a friend? How does one keep a friend? Are friends that are friends meant to be friends? Are my current friendships the offsprings of chance and coincidence? Thankfully, I talked about it with my Dear Friends. We concluded that we were created for each other and since the day we were birthed we were destined for each other. I tend to put my full trust into that conclusion. Ha.

To be honest, nothing much has happened. I mean, I could update you on what has happened. But it isn't significant enough to type. Why should I bore my Dear Readers (whoever is left) with my life? I am sure you would rather glean from my wisdom. Very well, very well. Start gleaning.

Let's discuss love.

Ahaha, I was kidding love is so overrated.

Let's talk bout Twinkies.

It was so obvious that it was all a marketing scam! Announce to the public that Twinkies would stop being in production and cause chaos through out America. Everyone ran out to the nearest store and bought 10 pounds of this stuff. Once it was sold out and people ate most of the Twinkies, some hid them for a rainy day, some people monopolized their stash and made a fortune off of suckers on ebay, and others like me? We could have cared less. But then a year went by. Then another. And before we knew it we all craved the glorious abomination : The Twinkie. And it was a Christmas miracle when the Twinkie man said, "Fire up the Twinkie Machine!" (like they weren't ready to start making Twinkies again from the very beginning). BOOM! Twinkies were given back to the unwashed masses. An exodus to the stores ensued and they raked in a fortune over night. Now THAT'S how you make it big in America. It was a genius maneuver. One I shall never forget. Bravo Twinkie dude. Bra-vo.

What? Not satisfied? Okay okay. I get it. You want more. 

Let's talk about animals and animals that call themselves humans. 

I'm just kidding. Let's just talk about animals that call themselves humans.

You know who I am referring to. People that love animals. I watched a 20 minute documentary about farms and how they treat animals badly and beat them and blah blah blah. It was interesting to say the least. But I am not sure where I stand when it comes to animal cruelty. I definitely don't approve of it. But why do people treat animals badly? Obviously, because we are human, but what if that steak you are eating came from a cow that was beaten to death by a stick? Should you eat the meat? Yup. Just pray over your meals and you're good. The whole documentary was telling the viewers to go vegetarian so we can put the bad farmers out of business. Seriously? Crop farms abuse their vegetable and fruit plants too. Sooo, I really don't get it. When you think about it for 10 seconds the whole notion of going vegetarian because of that is really retarded. I eat meat because I like it. Don't really care about the animal. If it was beaten by a weird farmer then the farmer should worry about it. Not me. I likes me a good piece of meat. Am I a bad person? Yup.

Go out and eat a good piece of meat. For the both of us.

Am I politically incorrect to say such things? 

SettlingAnUnsettledStomach

It hasn't even been a week since we arrived at our new abode. An apartment that has a little more leg room then our old one. It is pretty nice. Empty. But nice.

No couches, the dinning table and chairs are stand-in plastic ones, I sleep on a nifty foam futon, and the living room is absolutely barren.

A new start! Now that we have internet I searched up colleges hoping that I wouldn't have to wait one year for this stupid residency junk. Apparently it is worth waiting for a year. I mean, when tuition jumps from $400 to $2800 without residency.... You kind of want it. So one year of uncertainty awaits me. Oh joy. Now I have to find a part time job... Hopefully. I turn 18 in a few months so I can grab my driver's license and, with much prayer, a cool part time job... Or full time, whichever I can get.

Living in a city is so different. I am only a 2 minute drive (or a 5-10 minute walk) to Wal-Mart. TO WAL-MART! Three (four if you speak Korean) churches are right around the corner, and there are so many restaurants and stores in a half-mile radius from my apartment. This is crazy chicken. I am coming from a 40 minute drive to the closest chain store.... Is it nice? My mind tells me yes. But my heart says.... Yes. Dear Readers, it is actually really cool having everything close by. I think we will be checking out a church this Sunday. It will be interesting to see the difference from Hawaiian churches to Texan churches. Are they more orthodox? Bigger? Nicer? Holier? Who knows! I shall find out!

I have to find a reason to be here in Texas. Usually people my age find their reason by going to high school or starting to apply to nearby colleges or a job. But I can't do any of those. All I can do is sit behind my computer. Hopefully church can be my answer. I don't mean volunteering my time, I am not a fan of that. I mean finding new friends. Isn't that one of the main reasons for church? That and getting closer to God. Speaking of getting closer to God, I have no idea what happened to my Bible. Kind of goes to show how often I read it.... I think I should start reading Genesis about Abraham's move, ha.

What do I feel? I feel kind of depressed. But I hope that passes as time passes. I need to find new friends. Experience even more new things! A couple of nights ago my family went out for dinner trying to find a cool new place to check out. Alas, we finally found this family diner-like restaurant. I have to tell you, they served great food, but I can just imagine the calories we ate that night. Everything was deep fried and smothered in butter. If I ate that two or three times a week I would be 400 til brown. You know what I'm sayin'?

The first few days here at the apartment were busy. We gathered all the necessities from tissue paper to forks. It was fun running to different stores and checking out the area around us. I think it was on the second or third day, it actually hailed! Though the hail was small and brief, it was still hail! Coming from a steady 80 degree climate to one that drops from 50 to 25 is, again, crazy chicken. The cold pierced my fingers. Like, it literally felt like needles pricking my fingers. It was so cool. I could see my breath. My sweater and scarf were finally useful. The warmth from my scarf was finally realized.... The glory of the cold. Now that I experienced that I want the warmth to return. Every morning I wake up with the thought of staying in bed forever. The chilled air brings a desire of
laziness. I am already a lazy guy, so this could get ugly...

ItActuallyExists

I have tread upon unknown land. A whole continent that I only saw on maps and in History class. This is America.

The journey to my new home was smooth for the most part. It just so happened that my Close Friends decided to come to the airport to say their REAL final goodbyes. I mean, who says goodbye only to come meet you at the airport to say it again? They do apparently. I wont say that I loved it, but I loved it. I don't know, the idea of people crying about your leaving makes me feel good. Not in sadistic way, but it reminds me that there are people out there who care about me.... Or they care about my Elder Sage Siblings and the tears they shed were for them....... Pffft, yeah....right.......

When the plane started to throttle I thought back to all the times my family talked about moving. We had been thinking about it for 7 years. But now it is finally happening. I recalled telling my parents that I will never believe we are moving until the day I was sitting on that one-way plane to Texas.

There I was sitting...... On that one-way plane to Texas.

Then the plane started to lift off the ground. I think my heart sank to my stomach.

"What on Earth just happened?"

"I happened."

"Oh, shut up. Who asked for you to come back anyway?"

"Oh, shut up, you love it."

                                                                                             ~Missingnomer and Flight....Uggg

It was a pitch black. So even though I had the window seat all I saw was darkness. The few faint stars I saw painted a dim separation from the ocean and the horizon. It was just darkness and that annoying wing light that was like a beacon trying to call out to the dark unknown.

Home was behind me, and all that was left was void.

The unknown always scares us fragile humans. But I can't let that get the best of me! When we finally arrived at Texas and took a taxi to the hotel I couldn't believe it. Thousands of cars, mall after mall, store after store, restaurant after restaurant, and Mexican after Mexican.

This is home.

When we arrived at the hotel all I wanted to do was unpack and get settled in. But we were at a hotel! All I could do was shower and sleep. So here I am, sitting in my cell, awaiting my death.

This is my new home.... It was 39 degrees that night. Cold? To most people. It was FREEZING to me. Thank goodness I got some sort of warmth from my sweater. The nights ahead are going to be BELOW freezing. Someone save me!!! I thought 70 degrees was cold in Hawaii. As I write this in the hotel room I am wearing three layers. Two t-shirts and a sweater. I can finally wear a scarf and not look weird!

"I mean, not that I looked weird when I wore them in Hawaii.... RIGHT?"

"Oh, you were the picture of normalcy." 

                                                                                                    ~Missingnomer and Flight

To conclude this first full day here in Texas would be quite an ordeal. In short, my parents purchased a car. A pretty nice car. It actually has a CD player. Not a big deal, right? But I am coming from a mini van that had a cassette player.... A CASSETTE player. What the heck is a cassette? I think I ate one when I was a toddler. We also swung by the apartment that we will be staying at for the next 6 months. I like it. It had an old-school, rustic feel to it. Brick buildings are so swag monkey.

It never occurred to me that road knowledge is crucial if you want to get anywhere. Living in Hawaii has desensitized my mind: Two roads, one lane both ways. That is basically all you needed to know if you wanted to get anywhere. Here?!?! GPS or die. That is basically the only rule for first timers. Side note! We are first timers. Thank goodness my parents procured a GPS long before arriving here in this cesspool of roads. The story goes like this:

The man who was selling us the car came to pick us up at our hotel so he could take us to the place that sold cars to sell us a car......

Anyways, we went there and bought a car. After that we decided to go back to the hotel to pick up some bags to drop off at the apartment we had yet to see. The thing was that I had never used a GPS before, so you can guess what happened. Yelling and screaming ensued as we blindly navigated the highway. Brutal moments of just missing the ramps and turnoffs. But, we finally got are heads screwed back on and got back to the hotel in one piece. I gotta say, it was a crazy ride. There will probably be more episodes of insanity to follow, but I think we can manage. I think.

Pray for my family Dear Readers. We need every single one. Thank you for your love, for reading my blog, and staying in touch. I shall see you all soon.

Don't forget to visit the NiMM Lounge if you haven't!

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URL: nimmlounge.blogspot.com
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IsThisRealLife?

It is a thing. We are heading out tomorrow night to leave this island of memories. Can't believe it....

15 years of memories will be an entire ocean away from me for who knows how long. A new life awaits me in the land of Texas. What will I do? Who will I meet? Will I be better off there? Will I regret this move?

Right now I need to pack. But I keep procrastinating. I still have to pack most of my things as they are all scattered about my room. I am postponing the inevitable, but I want to savor every second left here in this apartment. This is my last night. The sadness and excitement are starting to swell inside of me. Thankfully I already used the bathroom.

Other than my life changing move I said my final goodbyes to my second family. It was awesome. One last day at the beach was what I wanted. Nothing like salt water to make my stomach forget the idea of leaving. Even when the time came for me to REALLY say goodbye to them all, I didn't cry. It must be a family thing. My family doesn't express themselves through tears. Goodbyes are as dry as the desert. But then again, my Great Elder Sage Siblings do tear up when they head back to college after every vacation back home. Oh, come now. Don't take it personally! I am sure the Sage Siblings were grief stricken when they said their final goodbyes to you, Dear Friends. Don't let the tears measure love for you. For me, I just don't cry unless it is a Korean drama or a hard hit to my face. Don't take it the wrong way! I felt a genuine sadness I never felt before. That was the first time I ever said farewell to such close friends. The sadness was great, but it didn't overwhelm me to tears. Cause I know I will see them all again. Whether it be in heaven or on this earth. They can't escape me! Ha!

Dear Readers, thank you so much for the amazing memories. For reading my posts (or not), for laughing with me, talking story, and spending some of the precious time we have on this earth togehter. I will treasure each hang out, each sleepover, each camping trip, every late night, and every single awkward joke and smile. We will definitely make more memories in the future, but for now we must go our own ways. Whether it be school, work, a new family, or all the above.

Since I am moving to Texas my Dear Friend and I made an awesome blog! Not only do I have this personal blog, but I also have a bro blog. Along with the blog we have a podcast. What's a podcast? It is just like a radio talk show, but with two amateur dudes who thought they should post their conversations on the internet! No, it is just another facet of the blog dubbed "NiMM Lounge." If you haven't you should check it out! It is a collaboration of my Eldest Sage Sibling, two Dear Friends, and yours truly. If you want to know more than check it out:

nimmlounge.blogspot.com

Nothing like a blog and podcast to keep the friendships strong.

I leave my home with a heavy heart. Even though I part I think I will always consider the Big Island my home. I will be back! I shall return! But for now. Let's look forward to the future that is filled with awesome and glorious mysteries from Above.

RelationshipsAndFacades

Less than three weeks left.

What better way to spend it then at a friend's house? It's been a long time since I have stayed two consecutive nights at a friend's place. I find it exciting! Even if the thought of leaving indefinitely leaves me with a somewhat hollow feeling inside. People ask me if I am sad that we are moving or something along those lines. Answer? Absolutely no sadness. Just an empty shell of emotion. That is the best way of putting it. I must admit that the entire notion of us uprooting our lives and heading off to an unknown continent is still unbelievable. Alas, I am still a human. I tend to put too much value into tangible evidence instead of the words of a Loved One. Plane tickets are bought. House is 'sold'. Packing is a imminent. All that is left is a few days and an ocean between me and my new home.

Enough of that boring stuff.

I am currently writing this post at a new location. You would think that new location would be my new future home, but it is just a Great Friend's abode. Laughing is as common as breathing whenever I spend time with my family away from my family. I might be too candid in saying this, but I feel like a part of their family whenever I am with them. No facade, no pretending. Just ol' Missingnomer as himself. I don't know if that is a good thing or bad thing though.... It would be kind of awkward if I was actually shunned for my apparent lack of decency. Though acting like someone I am not reminds me of one of the more detestable sides of human character. Why on earth are we expected to act "kind and gracious" to everyone we meet? Acting like someone you aren't isn't that great. In fact, after a while I would imagine people would start to loathe the very idea of spending time with people at all.

Even though I say that, it doesn't stop me from acting unlike myself around new acquaintances. It must be some sort of defense mechanism. To hide behind a mask of "proper etiquette" means to lie to the very person you are conversing with. That is a harsh way to put it, but it is nonetheless true. At least I find that in myself. Of course, anomalies that defy this rule are sure to exist. With every rule and law there are always exceptions, whether it be human or otherwise. But for me? I am just a dude that acts the way he wants to act. Whether people like it or not is up to them. We are told to love others, not like them.

I still find it comical. Whenever my parents or siblings talk about other people with the family, they always bring up valid points concerning a particular person's character, oddities, and down right crass nature. Most people would classify that as gossiping and you would probably be accurate in saying so. But I couldn't find myself discrediting any of the things my family brought to light. Though even if a person does an absurd trespass and deeply hurts or bothers someone, we simply shrug it off and never confront them about the matter. Why? Most families and friends should be able to come together and discuss differences. If you can't even do that with your family how in the world are you going to be able to do it with someone who isn't?

"Breaking the ice" is a common term used to imply the act of breaking down the walls that we humans tend to create when we meet new people. Whenever we meet someone we find ourselves using this "Fake Self" as a way to seem presentable to other people. By this act of playing the kind and courteous person we try to make a positive first impression. But is a first impression of someone acting unlike themselves truly a GOOD first impression? Hardly. In some cases I am sure that when two people meet and do that to each other they instantly bottle-neck their relationship from progressing any further than "quaint acquaintances".

When I first met the offspring of this owner's abode I am sure we both put on our facades of "nice people" and acted accordingly. A handshake, a smile, introducing ourselves and others, and then commenced with small talk which amounted to absolutely zero value. That is way it is. That is the way it should be, right?

Thankfully time continued and we spent more time together. It seems that the more people commune the more they get to know about each other. Obviously, you can only make a good friend if you eventually take off that facade and genuinely discuss things that you love and things that concern you and others. After that it is just a matter of time before you become close and form a relationship. I admit, there are a million factors that must be addressed before a friendship can truly blossom, but the point is that friendships can only result in time spent with each other AND acting like yourself. The thing is that even if you may have revealed your true self to the other person that may or may not be true for the other party. They might have kept the friendship at arms length. But that is when the most important thing in a relationship comes into being. Trust.

So there. That is my crude attempt at a breakdown for a friendship. I am so glad for mine. Making a friend in life is one of the best things you can do. We all need people to laugh and talk with. But it is even sweeter for fellow believers. Not only will the friendship sharpen each other's faith, but it will also last forever. At least, I hope it will. It could. It should. It will. It is.

DISCLAIMER: If you believe any of this, then I am not sorry....because it is just too obvious that this is just plain, ignorant, and foolish rambling. Thanks for putting up with me Dear Readers. On to the next topic!

NewChapters

Things have gotten a lot quieter. All things come and go and I am left with nothing but this eerie feeling. I have lived on this rock for 15+ years. This is all I know. I have never been to the Continental USA. Am I excited for this new leaf? Absolutely. But that doesn't mean there isn't concern. A whole new land mass I must conquer. Nah, I haven't even conquered this tiny rock, you expect me to conquer Texas? Not happening. It will take me my whole life to explore the first shopping mall I encounter. I just can't wrap my head around it.

"Who can though? All I know is what I know. That is all I need to know."

"Wow. That sounded smart, allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllmost."

"Fear my mediocrity cretin!"

                                                                                                       ~Missingnomer and Flight

I actually have to seriously consider college now. What is this, ageing? It needs to stop. I never thought the day would come that I would have to research colleges. I might even work for a year. Oh, the humanity of it all.

A new chapter is beginning in my life. But this new chapter is dreadful. It is the 'stop being a minor and grow up already' chapter that every teenager wants to skip. Why can't I just eat Cheetos and play video games? Is that asking for too much or something?

"Bag of Cheetos and a kazoo: set for life."

"Or till you finish the bag of Cheetos."

"Shh! Stop bringing logic to the table."

                                                                                        ~Missingnomer and Flight the Flightless
                                                                                   "No, it's 'Missingnomer and Flight the Realist'."
                                                                          "What? Who said you could butt into my made up quotes?"

The whole notion of me working.....

You could write a book about that notion.

To be honest I really am anxious for what the next couple of months hold for me. Everything is an unknown. I will be heading to a place that I know nothing about. I am excited and nervous. Or this whole thing could blow over and we live here till I graduate college!

"I won't deny that."

"Thank you. Now kneel."

"You see, I just gave you a few like points, but you managed to deduct them in record timing."

"I sense some resentment in that sentence. Do you want to tell me a personal non-manly sob story?"

                                                                                                 ~Flight and Missingnomer

Being a single kid with my mom and dad sounds boring. But let me tell you, it is the exact opposite. Just the other day we went to town for a usual shopping spree. It was suppose to be another boring, mundane shopping day. Was it? No. Because Missingnomer's parents take the cake when it comes to making small things big things. I admit, I get irritated during the moments they happen, but after a few minutes we all just laugh over it. It is a really weird thing I have with my family. I mean, my parents were raving and ranting about 2 zucchinis being $5 at the farmer's market...... 10 feet away from the women who just SOLD US THE 2 DANG ZUCCHINIS! I wanted to toss everything and run...... But I was the one holding the two precious, glorious, diamond-like zucchinis we just squandered our fortune on. TWOMO* thought the women said $2 for 5 zucchinis, it was actually 2 zucchinis for $5. TWOMO already gave the $5 to the women already. Now at that exact moment TWOMO had two choices:

a) Demand a refund and be satisfied in the fact that you saved $5 on a bad deal and walk away as a dignified individual giving off the sense of overflowing wisdom, knowledge, and discernment that empowered you to comprehend that the deal was a ripoff in the-

"Would you please just get to the other choice"

"Boooo, loser here needs a gag."

"Scrap brah?"

"Brah scrap?"

                                                                                                 ~Buzz-kill Flight and Missingnomer

OR

b) Take the 2 ripoff zucchinis even though you felt cheated and rant about the unfairness of this world within earshot of the women so we can all laugh about it and ultimately allow me to write this post.

Choice a would make world a the main timeline, who wants logic and boredom like that? Choice b all the way.

*The Women Of My Origins