For the past few months I haven't been praying that much. I will be honest, I just forget. It doesn't even cross my mind. Is that school or me? Either answer points towards me anyways. Prayer is not on my list of things to do everyday. It should be. Strange how I feel naught wrong with my spirit. Is it dead? Good Lord.
I heard a teaching one time. Basically the pastor said that the Holy Spirit will simply give up when we neglect Him for too long. You think the Spirit has simply given up on me? Not in the sense of His faithfulness and love, but regarding the pleas for obedience and due supplication. Back when I was a tween I always felt "guilty" whenever I realized I had forgotten to pray over a meal. Now I just dig in without a second thought. Would that be classified as backsliding? Simple negligence in the Spirit sounds dire. I mean, we are supposed to live in the Spirit at all times. Sure, we don't. But the realigning myself with Him has been a shaky proposition in itself. I love Jesus. I still think about what He did and is doing for me every single day. However, prayer is currently taking a seat in the back. When was the last time I really prayed? Well, now that I think about it, I did pray earnestly last week during the early morning drive to school. I suppose prayer is still a part of my life, but not a daily exercise.
Perhaps this negligence stems from my desire to cling to the physical. Video games, school work, and maybe a dash of sin? How about a lot of sin. Isn't sin just putting something above God? Pretty much everything has been put in front of Him these past few months. Maybe the habit of silence I have developed among my family has crept into my Spiritual rituals. Silence has been a dominating trait since this semester has started. It is just hard to speak with the family about anything. I don't really have "problems," you know? It is just the worry over an occasional test. I don't have any relational issues, no stories worth telling (maybe they are?), and no real social life to divulge to my family. A sign to pick up some crazy friends?
What do you talk about with your family? I feel as though I have exhausted every topic there is to discuss. Politics, science, relationships, marriage, children, parenting, friendships, sin, Jesus, theology, heck even crazy philosophical issues that have no relevance to life.
The root of my spiritual stagnation is self-inflicted to state the obvious. Be it reading the bible, praying, or even talking to others about God, all have been stationed in the secondary box. Christianity DOES revolve around those things. Does that mean I have been neglecting my faith? Yes and no. My beliefs infect every aspect of my being. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about my faith and Christ's love for me. But it has to go further than a recognition. There should be a discourse between us. One that isn't sporadic and based on how I feel.
Focusing on my shortcomings instead of the relationship still gets me. Every Christian struggles with something so we shouldn't be surprised when we find ourselves indulging in our sinful desires, but the thought is still repulsive. Condemnation is not of God so what I feel is something I shouldn't feel. I am perfect through Him. Does that make my present and future sins irrelevant? Precisely. Sinful actions are temperate and minuscule to the power of God. Out spirits are eternal and sinless. Then what is the point of GROWING and KNOWING who you are in Christ? Do we not have eternity to find out? The person we are now, this physical person, is linear and momentary. It seems that placing my attention towards my own personal growth as a believer is pointless compared to evangelizing the lost.It should be a balance of outward faith and inner faith, no doubt. But I believe our witness takes precedence over our individual walks. Finding out who we are in Christ comes from seeing the brokenness of humanity and the redemption we have received. If one were to seclude their person and focus on their walk with God would they not upset the Father? Living a life of purity and holiness is worthless when it is not shared with others.
Shining a bright light towards the sun is utterly ridiculous. Take that blasted light and shine it in the darkness while your hear still beats!
I know I'm horribly late on seeing this post, but it is just as great as the day you pressed "post". Mr. MJH you truly have a great way of expressing your self, even if you don't think or feel you can with your family. I understand, sometimes its way easier to talk about others things with the people that are closest to me.
ReplyDeleteI am consistently constant in the struggle of being on fire with my faith or wondering if I'm saved at all. Like you brought up, prayer is important. Why then don't I exercise it? I'm a flabby Christian for sure! As Philippians 2:12-13 so poignantly puts it,
"Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure."
Not that we are saved by works or that we need to do works to maintain salvation, but that in understanding the love of our Father we desire to do so. From God's love and our gratefulness flows obedience.
The last 2 sentences had me grinning ear to ear and laughing. So very true! Reading your writing makes me miss you more. Take care, dear bro! I'll be praying for you :)