AreWeAllRight?

I often pause to think about my future. It must be common for other people my age to do the same. Doing so forces us to examine our lives. Am I doing the right thing? Am I wasting my time....again? For my own life, I honestly believe this is my only plausible course of action. If I have learned anything over the last few years is that a good education will never be a waste of time. The safest choice is college, for sure. But do I want safe? Or do I want more? My fantastical side sure does, but my practical side wins. It always does. I am boring that way.

Alright, another semester is officially over. Happy? Very. Satisfied? Never. Joyful for the future? Is that a trick question?

Two years since I started. TWO YEARS. I cannot believe I have been doing this for that long. The sad part of this journey is that it only gets harder from here on out. All the easy classes are gone....

This semester was the toughest one yet. One challenge after another. I am glad the towel was not thrown by own hands. It was an easy out to just drop physics, but I kept with it. Am I going to give God credit? Of course, the very fact I am breathing is because He wills it. However, I didn't ask Him for help this semester. I can only recall a couple of times I cried out in prayer. Other than that? I was silent. I pushed off the Kingdom this semester. Regrets? None. Well, I have to be honest with myself. I feel so numb to the Spirit. No doubt because I didn't pray, read the Word, or attend any church-like service for over four months. The fact that someone can become so sensitive and yet so numb to the Spirit can only display the complete hopelessness we all find ourselves in. We're a fickle bunch, humans.

I barely spent time with other people. I figured getting that God-like A would make up for it. Eh, staring at them doesn't make me feel all that great. Besides, I got my first B. Does it sting?

More than when I sin.

Yet I suck it up and tell myself it isn't my grades that define me, but God alone. Yet I have put aside the One who does define me. What does that mean? To ignore your identity for four months? You lose who you are and forget. Now I have to remember. What is it like to be truly happy? What is it like to enjoy the fullest of all satisfactions on this Earth? I have to submit once again. Thankfully, He is waiting. Thankfully, I am willing.

One day may come when I don't want to. Really? Maybe. But I doubt it. And I pray that day never comes. I need fellowship. Doing this by yourself sucks. It sucks a lot.

Let's get away from that gloomy topic and talk about the Summer. Ah, a whole three months of glory. I think. The trip back to the Home Land is definitely welcome. So many people are waiting for me.....You guys are waiting for me right? Eh, but when it ends what will be left? I am actually going to try to find a job this Summer. I suppose it was inevitable. I have to start working sometime in the future. I just don't want to do it anytime in the near future. Well, we all want things we are never going to get. Like a real life waifu, or a body pillow of Trump.

To recap this semester, I learned that I am not the smartest person I know. I actually have the privilege to say I am the dumbest person I know. Pride sets in a very dark corner of your heart. So dark that you don't even know you have it until something shines bright enough to reveal it. Before you know it, you start feeling entitled to success. The fault doesn't lie with myself, right? Wrong. How can you blame someone else and call yourself a child of the Most High? There are some lines I can never cross. Everyone has them. Whether it be sobriety, celibacy, cleanliness, or success. I just can't bring myself to blame someone other than myself. Sure, the professor was terrible, but that doesn't mean it wasn't my fault. I took it too far and I let the hatred seep in the back of my head. I need to let go and forgive. Blaming and pointing fingers doesn't solve anything. When you think about it, if the only thing in life giving you a hard time is a pesky professor, you aren't doing so bad.

Entitled. That is starting to become my most hated word in human speech.

Summer. It should be the happiest time of my life. It should be. Let's make it so! I hope everyone had a great semester. I know I didn't, but it wasn't anyone's fault but my own. All I can do is learn and avoid. I am bad at both, but hey, it sounded good when I typed it.