Failure

Everything is going according to your ideal. Nothing out of the ordinary. Calculated and expected with an acceptable margin of error.

Wish my life was like Trump's road to the Oval Office.

Expectations are from the devil; they have to be. After all, isn't the one of the cornerstones of Christian theology center on the fact that we, as humans, have virtually zero things to offer God besides our own bodies? I suppose you can get nit picky and say we have our souls, too. Eh, I am not here to discuss theology. I am here to talk about the things that have grabbed my attention for the last couple of months.

So the semester is going to end in less than a month. Sounds too good to be true. Wait, my headache just came back. Winter break is only about a month long. Oh, owww. My head.

It gets even better. I am transferring to university. Ohhhh, yeaaahhhh. Give me some opium.

This semester was supposed to be "easy." However, I am beginning to realize that I am actually a bad test taker. I study and study only to lock up when the questions are before me. I don't necessarily "freeze." I simply ignore the details, which is also really bad. I have been struggling to maintain A's in my classes this semester. I am going to go ahead and swallow the fact that I am not an A student right now, rather than in the middle of the first semester in university. The pain would probably paralyze me if I don't.

Just do your best, Missingnomer. Let be what will be.

Whether I get an A or not, I am still a failure as a human being, so I guess I don't miss out that much even if I did get good marks.. hehe...he.....

My Thanksgiving was great, by the way. Food was exceptionally tasty. Unfortunately, most of the family (including myself) decided to get sick the day before Thanksgiving. The most heinous of crimes that illness does to the body: stealing hunger. I am going to have to make up for my lack of eating after I get better. I am telling you, Dear Reader. I always manage to get sick at the worst times. Last time I got sick I was supposed to go to a Coldplay concert that night.

School aside, I am still frustrated. Have you ever gotten frustrated with someone you love? Have you decided to not do anything about that said frustration for months? Is my way the best way? Do I have the answers to people's situations? Is experience necessary for correct solutions? I don't know. A part of me wants to simply acknowledge that fact that people approach things differently, not incorrectly. Whenever an important topic is brought to the conversation I tend to lay out my opinion as fact. It isn't something I am consciously trying to do. I don't view my opinion as the superior one most of the time. But I have received feedback from my friends that I tend to come off as judgmental, condescending, and a little hypocritical. Yeah, I suppose I do speak faster than I think sometimes. I do put a lot of stock into my personal viewpoints too. I hate to admit it, but I love making people uncomfortable with my viewpoints. Somewhere in the back of my head it makes me feel like I am convicting them in some way, you know? Of course, I want to help them with my advice, not lead them to hatred and destruction. As long as the dialogue is open, everyone shouldn't be offended. It has just been so long since I last talked about it. There must be an internal struggle within me, buffering all the logic and ideology I put forth when I talk to others. I really want to be right. I think most people would call that pride. Gee, it always boils down to pride.

Look, the root of my problem is jealousy and pride. What can I say? I am human. I love my family and friends! I want what is best for them! I just feel like the differing standards we have mess with my logical side. My viewpoints are embedded in logic. When someone shares their viewpoint that isn't embedded in a logic, I kind of get upset. After all, no one can discredit logic. Unless your Jesus.


Tuesday can't come soon enough. I have been eagerly awaiting this particular video game for the last ten years. Yes, ten. It is finally coming out on Tuesday. No one shall hold me back. No one.