Finishing my first semester of University was supposed to be a big deal. It just felt like any other semester. The sense of accomplishment is drowned out in minutes when the next set of classes linger over the hill. I learned a lot, yet there is still so much more to learn. I can't handle it. The more I learn the more I realize I need to learn more. It never ends.
I only have a little over a week until my Summer semester starts. Who invented Summer semesters, anyways? You know the system is rigged to suck all the fun out of learning, but come on! Give me at least a month!
I sit here typing my complaints, while others are scrambling to find a way to afford one or two classes this year. The blessings are abundant in my life. Every class is a huge blessing. I only wish that mindset would stick during midterms and finals. Even though I want things to end, these days will be remembered with longing when I grow up. Or maybe they wont. Who knows?
Since it has been a good while since my last post, you would imagine my mind has been stewing over some topic to type about, but I genuinely haven't considered anything these last few months. It is like my mind has shut out anything outside of school and video games. There is no more room for pondering truth, existence, or even good music. I shouldn't waste all my thought on those kinds of topics, but I used to always think and meditate over something between these narcissistic blog posts. My mind has been out fishing for most of the given year. Perhaps the lack of thinking has given me to time to think. Time to think about the sadder sides of life. Like, why is it so easy to spend time doing nothing? What is "doing something?" These questions I ask have already been answered, but my mind doesn't accept them. I believe one thing and do another.
I am an irrationally logical being, that doesn't make sense. I don't make sense. The games I spend so much time on always harp on about making a difference, positively affecting the world, and killing a lot of people, but they don't spur me to do anything. I simply move onto the next game. However, a particular game I have been playing recently did have me thinking for a little bit. Basically, the theme I was getting from it was that life itself is a cycle of pointlessness. We live out our life trying to be "righteous" or "morally sound," but what is the purpose of doing such things? If we base these things on a stage of mortal existence, it is pathetically pointless. Actually, it is utterly ridiculous to do anything outside of nothing. When you take a step back and look at your existence and how that compares to the universe, you realize how unimportant you and your actions are. Let's say you do nothing and live a quite life, what did you accomplish? Through the human perspective, you essentially did nothing. If you never existed to live your life peacefully, nothing would have changed.
The universe will continue whether you existed or not. If you lived a "moral" life or a life full of "wickedness," the end result is the same: your existence was meaningless. Why? Because you didn't change anything. The sun will rise and set. The rain will fall from the sky. Your existence actually doesn't matter to the universe. When you view existence through the eyes of the universe (excluding any sort of divine being), since that is all humans can physically perceive, human existence is utterly meaningless. Any person that claims that any sort of divinity is nonexistent and still breathes has not grasped this simple fact. In my opinion, if you truly do not believe in something or someone outside of our physical universe and grasp what I just typed above, you would have ended your life.
Humans are stubborn and irrational beings. Even if they did come to terms with meaninglessness, they would still live out their lives, probably.
We really are irrationally logical beings.
Long story short, it was a pretty depressing game. A good game about the humanistic truth of life. Yeah, that would be pretty depressing. The song is from the game. You know what she is singing about? Nothing. She is speaking gibberish.
Song: Nier Automata OST (one of them, I don't remember)
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