Let'sBeHonestHere

This is just the beginning of the long and arduous journey I have set before me. Long days of doing nothing but minuscule school work. I literally have nothing going on. Why do I enjoy it so much? All I do is stay at home and enjoy every last second of doing nothing. I still believe I enjoy this time of laziness because it will only be here for a season. Or I could be completely wrong and end up being a lazy bum for the rest of my life. Either works fine for me.

For some reason I have this festering thought in my head. Why on Earth should I study and work hard just for something temporary? Let's say I do work hard and even get a masters in something like computer engineering. Then what? Spend 6 years pouring over books and tests just to get a piece of paper that tells the world, "I did something!" Then when you die and pass away you might as well light that piece of paper on fire and throw it in the ocean cause it only applies to yours truly. I don't want that. Sure, I secure my "financial future," but as Christians who wants "financial security?" Don't we already have it in Jesus?

"Oh wait Missingnomer! God empowers us to do the work to get that financial security that He provides us!"

~Unknown, Random, and Good-Hearted Christian

You have your points Dear Readers. But I don't want to waste my time doing something I don't want to do. I'd rather waste it doing things I want to do. Isn't that so selfish of me? Indeed, for the past couple of weeks I have been as lost as a stray child in Wal-Mart (SPONSOR!). But I am coming back. Slowly but surely God still has His hand in my life. It just seems like I need to put in the effort to make things...I don't know, MEAN more. I view school and work as something that is monotonous and a huge waste of time. Why work and stress over this stuff when you are just going to die 50 years from now anyway? I'd rather just do something that is worth my time. But alas, I find it hard to even read the Bible. So here I am wondering what on Earth to do with myself. Maybe I can just wing it and grow my own food.....

The overall tone of my life has been somewhat depressing lately if you haven't noticed yet, Dear Reader. There isn't necessarily a problem in particular. Just the fleshly desire to be in abandonment I guess. It is so funny how human minds work. We actually prefer death over life. It is so ironic given that we are inbuilt with a sense of survivability when all we do is drive our bodies down with drugs, alcohol, stress, selfishness, and laziness. All of it compounds into the modern human. Or maybe, just the human. Humans have been the same ever since creation. I'm just another one in the bunch who could care less about my life. I mean, I care about myself and others, but that doesn't mean I CARE. You know? Cause I don't even know what I am even saying anymore.

I know, as a Christian I am new creation, right? Not really. Yes, you have been reborn, but your old self is still very much alive too. How can I prove that? Your heart is still beating when you become a Christian, right? (Unless you died right after repenting, which doesn't sound so bad actually) Your old, sinful self is still very much alive. So now you have a choice. As Christians we have two choices in life that determine whether or not we have a God fulfilling life or not (I am still trying to see the benefits in a God fulfilled life, obviously). Live in the new? Or live in the old. The choice is yours. It always has been. For me? I don't even know anymore.

Maybe this is just another good reason to read my Bible....